Blood drips from blade to floor, as the party presses onwards, a grim set on their face as they trudge through the halls. Here, deep within the Lair of the Banished, there is no quarter, there is no capture. Only death. Weapons are held in hand, for the time it takes to draw them is the razor's edge between life and death. And before them is a great door. Is this the Hall of the Banished King? But that should be guarded... Even so, tis best to use what surprise they still have.
A grim look upon his face, the warrior's foot thunders into the door, sending it crashing open, while arcane power begins to cracle about his fellows fingertips... yet inside, there is no one. And as they step inside, only peace washes over them. As he looks about the room, the holy man with the party comes to his knees, as he murmers, 'My Gods, what has been done!'
This is a single, great room, and when encountered, it should be at first empty. It is clearly recognizable as a temple, though it is of crude construction, it is a well used temple. And it is clearly concencrated to whatever gods the party holds sacred. The party may use this place to rest a moment and tend their wounds, though, after too much time has passed, they will certainly be interrupted - but the Gods do not appreciate their children killing each other here. Enforce this with an appropriate curse - The breakage of weapons seems appropriate.
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? Responses (6)
While this would need to be explained with respect to the dungeon in question, it NEEDS a reference to the past - ie. it was a part of the original installation, later abandoned and finally ignored by the new inhabitants - or perhaps a little feared, maybe left out of respect. (Otherwise, it will be a just-because addition to a dungeon 'Nice, we already needed to rest.')
It can easily turn int a plot-hook, what if a guard of the main bad guy still keeps the place in shape, or even prays, out of bad conscience? Think of the value of such an ally.
Or imagine, that the Iron Knight, cruel beyond imagination, a monster without compassion, occassionally comes here to weep and beg the gods that they reach out strike him down for his terrible deeds. What would you think of him then?
And finally, this too could be a trap - as a natural stop it will be spied upon and shortly after leaving the heroes will be ambushed.
Simply, make this more than just a nice place in the otherwise lethal dungeon, and it will be worth much more.
What Manfred said, plus the line about grim looks on faces is repeated in the first line of both paragraphs, takes a bit away from the whole thing.
A good idea but badly executed.
I think everyone else covered it all.
I don't think this is so badly written but like others said, it's just some alone and not linked to anything. If that was the intended purpose (to make it be able to be plomped in any dungeon whatsoever), I would make this a Stub rather than a normal sub.