'And now Ladies, Lords, and Gentlemen,' I bring your attention to Lot 15. This is nice collection of goods that I am sure you will find interesting. If you see anything that peaks your interest, buy it and the entire lot for cheap. Now I start the bidding at .....'
Mirror of Inevitability Ornate haging wall mirror, complete with polished silver backing, antique brass frame, and several years of tarnish. Anyone looking in the mirror will see themselves reduced to a withered, rotted corpse. Other than that, it has no magic. The mirror has to be polished before any sort of reflection can be seen in it, and that task should take some time to complete.
Haunted Chamberpot Obsessed with the thought of releaving himself on his foes, the champion of immortal evil bound the spirit of a hated enemy into the confines of a very finely made chamberpot, in fact, the finest chamberpot this side of the king's constitutional. When the pot is 'used' it emits horrified sounds, howls, and screams. Imagine trying to use that first thing in the morning!
Fine Leather Gloves These gloves are very comfortable, and well fitting to the first person who tries them on. After prolonged wearing, the PC discovers a sudden ability to pick pockets, do sleight of hand tricks, and pick locks. Closer examination will reveal the gloves to be made of human skin, taken from the hands of a master thief who ran afoul of the Champion of Immortal Evil.
Dinnerwear of the Damned Crafted from tortured souls fused with steel and magic, this is a full set of plates, cups, bowls, and saucers. Each contains a soul that cries to be released, and really makes horrible groanings and moanings when someone scratches a fork, or knife across the surface to hard.
Sausage Grinder of Immaculate Taste Perhaps the Champion of Immortal Evil was a chef of some skill. The meat grinder was enchanted to propperly season the meat inserted into it to make the best tasting sausage, depending on the blend of meat used. PCs find sausage made from beef, pork, and poultry have no flavor added to them, as the grinder was never used for such fare. Perhaps it can learn, or they will discover it's other talents for sausage making. Elven links anyone?
Portraits, and paintings A large collection of assorted family portraits, and perhaps portraits of people defeated, destroyed, or killed by the Champion of Immortal Evil. Some other art pieces could include macabre interpretations of religious texts, paintings of torture, and dismemberment, or pastoral scenes with many fluffy rabbits and general cuteness.
Evil Wizard's Wardrobe An impressive collection of robes, casual clothing, cloaks, and the like. As cutting edge, or painfully out of fashion as desired. Most have unpleasant odors, or lingering stains. Some others might be haunted with the ghost of pervious wearers who bemoan their defeat by the CoIE.
Zombie Whistle - an innocuous looking whistle fashioned from a smooth white material, bone to the experienced eye. When sounded in the proper tone causes corporeal undead to halt for as long as the tone is sounded. A left over from the days when the CoIE was still new to the art of sarcomancy.
Mummified Cat - one time familiar that sadly perished. The animal was solemnly wrapped in linens, and blessed with a form of immortal life, so that it would be able to continue serving the CoIE. Upon his death, the cat-mummy reverted to a dormant state and is now a quality museum piece.
Responds to the command word: Sassy
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Also in
Codex hubs that gather this piece with similar work.
- Garage Sale from Hell MoonHunter
Retellings
No Retellings yet — the best compliment on the Citadel is a Retelling.
Bonds
Curated bonds across the Citadel — sign in to bind a bond. Kindred Favors are another thread in the same weave.
Links to this article 1
- Garage Sale from Hell MoonHunter linked by MoonHunter
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I have to admit, I liked all these when they were in a thread. I still do now that they are a post.
I want to buy them. LOL
I love the eternal suffering of those who look the wrong way at the CoIE
going once going twice...SOLD!
Where can i invest in a good quality Mummifed cat? I've been needing one for some time now LOL
Wonder if mummified cat would make good sausage? :)
probably a bit on the dry side, if you ask me.
Ahahahaha! I love the sausage grinder! You got some great creative ideas here.
Ehh, truly a unique submission
These are funny. Dinnerware of the damned had to be my favorite.
Friendly Edit:
haNging mirror