Favorite Game Quotes

#41

vlad tepes "i throw the drow"
"or cleric"
"or paldin"

Favorite Game Quotes

#42

In the course of our adventures, we encountered a massive black dragon who pissed us off mightily. So we spent a good deal of time trying to come up with a plan to kill him (and incidently take his stuff). We found a neat thing called a coup de grace, which means that if you attack something that's helpless, you automatically have a critical. So the gnomish enchanter had a special pickaxe made which he then buffed up. The party consisted of him, an Ixxar monk with nine attacks a round, two dwarves (a cleric and a paladin), and a Vah Shir beastlord with a penchant for lightning bolts. We eventually came up to the dragon, and wanted to kick his ass. Transcript follows.

Round 1:
*GM pulls out a handful of d10s, counts them, and pulls out more*
Gnome:I mes him. (This particular variant of mesmerisation that he was using had a hellacious save and lasted for 24 hours, or until damage was dealt.)
GM: He's mesed. You're out of inititave now.
Monk: Hey, gimme that dragon-slaying pickaxe.
Cleric: Is there anything else we want to do, because once we hit, he's unmesed.
Gnome: I have enough mana to do it again.
Vah Shir: Well, is there any spells you can cast that'll lower his resistance? (We had tried this once before, and found out he had a severe damage reduction going.)
*Gnome casts the appropriate spells*
Paladin: Hey why don't we all coup de grace him?
GM: You can do that.
*much dice rolling and adding*
Monk: Okay, total, we do 749 damage.
GM: You all just pummel the hell out of him. He's dead.

Total loot recovered: Hella lot, plus various useful bits of dragon, and some rewards from the other dragons nearby. Total time actually in combat, not counting adding up damage: Five minutes. Total damage to party: Nada.

Favorite Game Quotes

#43

A little off the subject, I have to second CP's opinion on the BOF series and as to all of you who didn't know about ones beyond the second HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK, FOR CHRIST SAKE MAN! o, yeah favorite quotes, mine would have to be one from tales of phantasia

"Truly, if their is evil in this world,
it rest in the heart of mankind" -Tornix D. Morrison

Also a little off the subject. The dwarf conspiracy was always a laugh, UNTIL YOU USED IT ON EVERY CHARACTER EVER MADE!!!

Favorite Game Quotes

#44

Actually, I never used it on any of your characters.
And in any case, it always makes me and Buddy laugh.

Favorite Game Quotes

#45

"You open the door. Inside, there is mage paste."
- GM in a Shadowrun game after my previously mentioned Hermetic mage failed to take control of someone elses elemental.
Much later in the game, after said mage had become an NPC:
"First on radar, then by eye, you see an enormous plane fly overhead. It drops an L-shaped tetris brick. Following shortly behind the brick is a woman with a flaming sword and a twelve foot wingspan. She appears to be wearing a toga and a halo."

"... You owe me hazard pay today. By contract, that's triple."
- Reno the Mercenary, looking at a charging Outsider.

Favorite Game Quotes

#46

BTW, Ria, it's Iksar, nae Ixxar. :wink:

As it stands right now, one of my current favorite quotes results from a semi-RP conversation my girlfriend and I had involving a story we're both involved in making.

"Oh, come on! Jedi are just crappy mages with shiny force swords! Gandalf would lay waste to them!"

Favorite Game Quotes

#47

Off the subject, YES YOU HAVE USED IT ON ALL MY CHARACTERS! um quotes quotes, o heres one
"without any evil their would be no good."

Favorite Game Quotes

#48

Here is another favorite quote of mine from dynasty warriors 3
"I defeated an officer" -zhange he

Favorite Game Quotes

#49

Quotes from a Vampire LARP I play in.

"Your Obfuscating privileges have been revoked." - said by my character to a Semedi vampire after he unsuccessfully tried to feed on a cop in public. He had jumped him out of Obfuscate (an invisibility-like power).

"I'm sorry, officer. My... friend hasn't had his medication."
"Obvi-[expletive deleted]-ously!" My char again, trying to salvage the situation with the cop in question.

Favorite Game Quotes

#50

"Large posters of your naked assault on Sir Lancelot are used to advertise the next year's Freeform Tourney, bearing the catchprase: 'No Prohibitions!'" - A complex situation in a tournament in which my completely naked character defeated a knight in full, heavily ensorceled, armor. Losing my clothes was -not- part of the plan, but it did give me one monster of a rep.

Favorite Game Quotes

#51

"Rule number one in the Thieves' Guidebook: redundancy is your friend. Always have at least one more of anything than they think you have." - Ree, my Queen of Thieves character

"You'd better hope to whatever god you pray to that Jenna can fix this." - Ree again, after the attempted murder of a friend of hers.

"You know, Lady d'Artos, you once told me that no lock could hold you. I didn't believe you. It's not a mistake I'll nake again."
"Do... NOT... call... me... Lady." - a villain and Ree again

"Your lordship?"
"Huh?"
"Shut up." - Tobias (another thief) and Lord Sebastian Keldros

"Only you could talk to a corpse for twenty minutes without realizing something was amiss." - Moraten Li, assassin

"Yeeeeeeah. See, this is what we in this profession refer to as 'a bad thing.'" - Moraten Li

"Tobias? Do I even want to know what you're doing?"
"Offhand, I'd say... no."
"Ah. Carry on then." -Jenna (scholar/pirate) and Tobias

Favorite Game Quotes

#52

"Do you have some sort of strange speech impediment that requires 12 MINUTES of ABSOLUTE SILENCE before you say ANYTHING USEFULL?!!"
*Sips tea silently* -Captain Sain Kranji and Blossom of Silence, in my Exalted game.

"I'M AN IMPATIENT MAN!" -Sain Kranji, in the same situation

"If you have anything to say, say it now!"
"I love you, Carlos!" -Nova Raku and Math Genius the Pirate, my Exalted game

"C'mon, gang, let's go!"
"Jinkies."
"I said c'mon, gang! Let's go!"
*slap* "I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE!"
"Dammit, gang!"
*slap* -Nova Raku and Feathers of the Raven, my Exalted game

Favorite Game Quotes

#53

"If you don't tell me why we're going, I'm not going to go!"
"I have to rescue someone...And there's fast women!"
"Fast women?! Hot dog! WE SAIL AT DAWN!" -Sain Kranji and Nova Raku

"A shuriken flies in through the window with a note attached and stabs into the wall."
"I run in very angry, because somebody's put a goddamn hole in my wall!" -Me and Sain Kranji

"I'm Nova Raku, but you can call me Nova."
"I am Feathers of the Raven, but you may call me Feathers."
"Can I call you Raven?"
"Yes."
"Can I call you Raven Feathers?"
"Don't push your luck." -Nova Raku and Feathers of the Raven

Favorite Game Quotes

#54

Sain Kranji, why thats me!

Favorite Game Quotes

#55

"i can stop when i want too.
I just dont want too!"
:my mate Ian,
the alcoholic.

Favorite Game Quotes

#56

If he's an alcoholic, you should talk to him about it. Stage an intervention, or something.

Favorite Game Quotes

#57

hmmm...good idea.

Aha! another classic qoute....
"Ate the mushrooms, smoked the basket and tripped over the kids...."

hehe...Danu knows EXACTLY what im on about!

Favorite Game Quotes

#58

Surrender the chocolate bars and nobody gets hurt!

Favorite Game Quotes

#59

:o Oo..ookay! *Surrenders his chocolate bars, which he had stashed beneath captainpenguins floppy pirates hat*

Favorite Game Quotes

#60

Oowhaaaar?!

Favorite Game Quotes

#61

"Oh, so now you mock me?"
"No, ive been mocking you for the past half hour, a little slow to notice arnt we." -Ryudo, mocking Elena(grandia II)

"GOD! didn't your church teach you ANY manners, or did they just drill their teachings into you. WERE EATING!" -Ryudo(grandia II)

"Carefull ryudo, this chick is a few eggs shy of a basket." -Sky(grandia II)

"What is it with this chick and purifying, i dont think those knights are packing bubble bath underneath all that armor."
"She means kill them ryudo..."
"Damn, thats some strong bubble bath" -ryudo and Roan(Grandia II)

"FUN! If your idea of fun is wading through rivers of blood with freesh cut gut upon your lip than yes, this will be fun!"
"Well then, what are we waiting for." -Ryudo and Millenia(Grandia II)

One of my favorite Quotes...

#62

One of my favorites is from the movie "Shawshank Redemption"

"Get busy living... Or get busy dying"

Skylark

Favorite Game Quotes

#63

I love this type of thread. . .

This requires little explaining. One of the games I am currently playing in is a home brew Palladium Fantasy. The party is a mix of races and professions and are bound together because of their birthday.

The leader, a noble knight, has had his body shattered and his soul placed into an animated suit of armor until a new body can be found. Thus he is literally a walking iron golem with sentience, not neccessarily intelligence. An argument breaks out about the possible route to go.

Sir Ursus (Leader) - We have the most Jerry Springer party known to man. A useless wizard who is afraid to cast anything on someone other than herself, a crotch licking wolven priest who uses weapons more than he does his powers, a naked dancing elf who thinks he is more important than air, and a mentally confused monk who thinks he has the soul of a dead priest in his body and argues constantly with him.

Valarian (Elf) - Yes, but don't forget the souless leader who has the body of an animated suit of armor because it was eaten by demonic black ooze, and a Paladin who has command issues and is in love with an evil wizard.

Eldrich - Don't you have to many clothes on, you freak elf?

Valarian - Don't make me summon a rust monster, Frankinarmor!

Same argument...

Edmund (Paladin) - Excuse me elf? How dare you say such things of me and Corrin.

Valarian - Whats the matter Chivalry boy, the truth cut to deep?

Edmund - Don't make me smite you elf!

Valarian - I'm not evil it won't work.

Edmund - I think my God will give me some leeway on this one.

Benjiro - Might I suggest. . .

Valarian - Don't make me kill you twice smeagol... one for each personality in you.

Needless to say our disfunction works well because we wont allow anyone kill the party unless we do it ourselves.

J. R. R. Tolkien

#64

Found a new quotes page http://www.quotationspage.com
Here is Tolkien at it again.

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
J. R. R. Tolkien

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.
J. R. R. Tolkien

- More quotations on:
I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence.
J. R. R. Tolkien

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
J. R. R. Tolkien

- More quotations on:
It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish.
J. R. R. Tolkien

Little by little, one travels far.
J. R. R. Tolkien

The Hobbits are just rustic English people, made small in size because it reflects the generally small reach of their imagination.
J. R. R. Tolkien

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
J. R. R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941

- More quotations on:
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

It's a dangerous business going out your front door.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, 1954

One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all
and in the darkness bind them.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, 1954, chapter 2

His house was perfect, whether you liked food, or sleep, or work, or story-telling, or singing, or just sitting and thinking, best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends.
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord Of the Rings, Book Four, Chapter One

- More quotations on:
'I wish life was not so short,' he thought. 'Languages take such a time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'
J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lost Road

Favorite Game Quotes

#65

Without a doubt, certainty is probable.

http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviematrix.html

Favorite Game Quotes

#66

It is not my fault. (Hans Solo or any number of PCs)

Okay, maybe it is my fault, but I am not responsible.

Okay, maybe I am responsible, but they made me do it.

Okay, maybe they didn't make me do it, but it is not my fault.

(Repeat until tired)

Joseph Stalin

#67

Here are some Joseph Stalin quotes that I think are...well different.

A sincere diplomat is like dry water or wooden iron.

Death solves all problems - no man, no problem.

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.

Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach.

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.

Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs.

History shows that there are no invincible armies.

Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas.

If any foreign minister begins to defend to the death a "peace conference," you can be sure his government has already placed its orders for new battleships and airplanes.

If the opposition disarms, well and good. If it refuses to disarm, we shall disarm it ourselves.

In the Soviet army it takes more courage to retreat than advance.

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.

Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division ;and from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts.

Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party.

The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.

The Pope? How many divisions has he got?

The writer is the engineer of the human soul.

When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use.

The only real power comes out of a long rifle.
Die, but do not retreat.

You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves.

Favorite Game Quotes

#68

The Truth only hurts when it ought to.
Her Majesty

I love that line. It is so true, You need to tell the truth in all things or make things right, otherwise you deserve the pain you get and the repercussions of the mis truth.

The best lies contain some truth, so get your d**** facts straight.
Her majesty

"I'm a lawyer, I'm a professional, don't lie like this at home."
Her majestry

Favorite Game Quotes

#69

this isn't actually a quote, but it was something funny that happened during a DnD game. We were in a dungeon and came to a door where we could hear at least three, maybe more orks talking and such on the other side. we had two archers and a wizard about 30 feet back from the door, a rogue hiding against the wall on each side of the door (one was me) and a Barbarian that was supposed to smash down the door and lead everybody out into our trap. This is what follows

Barbarian: "I smash down the door and run in the room."
Me: "what does he think he's doing"
(a few dice roll)
DM:" Lugnag decapitates the first ork with one swing of his axe and gets an attack of oppritunity on the one standing next to it cleaving him in the chest on the back swing. Then an ork standing behind some boxes on the far end of the room picks up a spear and throws it at lugnag, it lodges into his shoulder, two more orks to your right shoot their crossbows, and now you have a bolt in each leg.
Barbarian: I run up to the ork on my right and slap him accross the face with the spear that's sticking out of my shoulder before attacking him with my axe.

the barbarian (my brother) ends up going from 11 hp to 3

Favorite Game Quotes

#70

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790), Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

They envy the distinction I have won; let them therefore, envy my toils, my honesty, and the methods by which I gained it.
-Sallust (86 BC - 34 BC)

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
-Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965), Speech during 1952 Presidential Campaign

Favorite Game Quotes

#71

The toll of Jetavana's temple bell echoes the transience of all earthly things; the hue of the blossoms on the sala trees displays the truth that those who flourish must surely fall. The proud ones of this world endure but for a moment like a spring night's dream. In the end the brave are brought low and scattered like dust before the wind
-The Tales of the Tairas

The nail that sticks out, is knocked on the head
-Old Japanese adage

Favorite Game Quotes

#72

"I always said all you had to do was kill one person. The rest sort of fall in line after that and are filler more than anything."

Father Hayden - talking about his employees at the church.

Favorite Game Quotes

#73

"If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool."

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on"

THE BEST DESCRIPTION OF EXALTED EVER!

#74

For those of you (unlike me and Scras) who don't know what Exalted is...

"Exalted is a game where one of your main antagonists is Death, Creator of the Underworld. Except there's several of him, probally six or seven. Oh, and he's got 13 dread henchmen, one of whom was probally you at some point in time. Also, Hell has a personal grudge against you this time. Did I mention Magical America regularly trains and sends ninjas out for you personally? Ninjas specially trained in asskicking? Which, if they won't work, they keep giant robotic suits of armor on reserve for. Oh, and the Transformers have united under Omicron, and are invading. The Jedi have corrupted Heaven and usurped your rightful place as the Masters of Everything. Your ex-wife just dropped by, and she's a two thousand year old shapechaning maneating monser now, interested in maybe going on a date next Thursday. Your best friend from your last life and while growing up now seeks to cover all the lands of Middle Earth in darkness, if he can just find this damn ring. And your God has the world's biggest crackhabit, and needs some serious rehab."
-DS from ExaltedWiki

"Exalted is about how Moses spent ten years in the desert learning the secrets of Jehovah Fist martial arts from a burning bush before returning to Egypt, where he fought through an army of 10,000 jackal-headed ninjas before defeating the Pharaoh in a five-day one-on-one battle in order to free the Israelites. But his real adventure had just begun!"
-Gosling from White Wolf Forums

"Exalted is...an MMORPG:

The extras and mortals are NPCs.
The Dragon-Bloods are Newbies.
The Solars are H4xx0rz.
The Lunars are the 31337.
The Sidereals are the Admins.
The Abyssals are the Player Killers.
And the Alchemicals? They're botting.

Quotes to Live By when Gaming

#75

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few.
Shunryu Suzuki

I have learned throughout my life as a composer chiefly through my mistakes and pursuits of false assumptions, not by my exposure to founts of wisdom and knowledge.
Igor Stravinsky

Any business arrangement that is not profitable to the other person will in the end prove unprofitable for you. The bargain that yields mutual satisfaction is the only one that is apt to be repeated.
B. C. Forbes

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him. But a day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbor. Then all goes well -- he has changed his market-cart into a chariot of the sun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise.
Larry Wall

You have played enough; you have eaten and drunk enough. Now it is time for you to depart.
Horace (65 - 8 BC) Epistles

... but we enjoyed playing games and were punished for them by men who played games themselves. However, grown-up games are known as 'business' and even though boys' games are much the same, they are punished for them by their elders. No one pities either the boys or the men, though surely we deserve pity, for I cannot believe that a good judge would approve of the beatings I received as a boy on the ground that my games delayed my progress in studying subjects which would enable me to play a less creditable game later in life.
Saint Augustine (AD 354 - 430) in his Confessions - Book I:10

Competition is a by-product of productive work, not its goal. A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.
Ayn Rand, The Moratorium on Brains

That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.
Richard Bach, note written by Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

The goal is to win, but it is the goal that is important, not the winning.
Reiner Knizia

http://scv.bu.edu/~aarondf/gamequotes.html

Favorite Game Quotes

#76

"Oops"

"Gong Cow Pull Daiseys," from a Chinese immigrant character with nominal English. We spent hours trying to decipher the code. The message was "Gone a couple of days" and the Immigrant was the only one staying around.

"Why are the cute ones always Nazis?"

"This is called a 'quarterstaff'?" "Yes." "What does a whole staff look like?"

â€œThat would be stupid!"
â€œAnd that's apparently why you're doing it."

"All those were good demonstrations of stupid ideas. Does anyone have any good ideas?"

Some famous last words
"I've got a plan!"
"For the Greater Good"
"It can't fail"
"Victory"
"Thats a risk I'm willing to take".
"Trust me. I know what I'm doing"
"Hmmmm, maybe this wasn't such a good plan."
"Crap! I disbelieve the dragon!"
"Maybe we can talk our way out."
"So tell me again why you thought that referring to the drunk centaur barbarian as "horsey" was a good idea?"
"It can't get any worse..."
"Clean up corridor 3"

********

"I'm just arguing that there are options other than killing everybody."

"Yeah? I think we're gonna win and we don't need much of a plan!"

"This is going to blow like nothing has ever blown before."

"Did you just say 'werecat semen'?" (The answer was no.)

"I'll bleed artistically on the floor"

"I think we should kill your friend, burn down their house, and leave."

"Well what's wrong with a small nuclear reaction?"

"Things... like the demon in his pants?" (Nobody remembers who said that one, or why.)

"I throw myself at the floor"
(GM rolls dice)
"You have successfully rendered the floor unconscious"

PC - I use my fashion skill to make sure they (pirates) look respectable but dangerous... and subservient.
GM - You're French, this is going to involve lots of leather and assless chaps isn't it?

"I can't believe how big of a pain in the ass you are for an incompetent, idiotic, pompous, buffoon and drunkard!"
"Buh... buh... Drunkard?! I'm no Drunkard!"

"I can't lie to the GM. I'm lawful good!"

"Anybody who's immune to bullets, raise your hand!"

"For the first time in a long time, I am distressed by the absence of my clothing."

"I'm a Healer! Stand still or I'll hurt you! "

"What do you mean 'If we have time'? He's dead!"
(while investigating the apparent death of "him")

(Said by a mob boss in prison) "I didn't have anything to do with certain drug relations. Or those missing hookers. Or that puppy scandal."

â€œAnd this ladies and gentlemen is what's known as a 4d6 moment."
(Coined because of 4d6 char gen)

â€œYou screamed like a little girly man!"
â€œNo, I was actually choking on diet coke."

"darn it! There's violence happening and I'm not part of it!"

â€œLike a child on Xmas morning I can't go back to sleep!"

"And this is all going into a box labled don't ****ing open this!"

"If you don't have Paradox, you're doing something wrong."

"The universe decided to eat me." (On paradox.)

This one needs set up
GM: "You see a bone filled corridor. The bones appear crushed and there are stains on the walls. Flattened metal pieces and crushed wood are visible between the bone filled areas."

Player1: "Ok, I will proceed cautiously down the corridor, looking for any sign of a trigger plate or trip wire."

Player 2 (to the rest of the party): "I get his s**t."

From a friends game
GM: "As you move through the crowded cantina, a smiling Gungan approaches your group, a friendly grin on his face."

( sound of various lightsabers igniting, sizzling noises, a wet thud )

GM: "What the hell are you guys doing? He wasn't one of the Sith Lord's lackeys -you're meant to be heroic! All of you take dark side points!"

Player 1 : "Have you even seen episode I?
Player 2: "It's for the good of the galaxy!"

GM: "Good point - nice work there. ****ing George Lucas!(angry mutter). Each of you gains a Force Point and a level of positive reputation..."

Re: Favorite Game Quotes

#77

"You can lead a gamer to a plot, but you can't make him think."

MoonHunter after a disappointing Serenity one shot convention game; after giving them the 'big clue' in the setting write up, reinforcing it in the initial game spiel, foreshadowing the secret base in the opening moments of the game, and cheating the crew out of money to give them reason to investigate the 'back end' of the clue. They decide to ignore this entire idea and look for their own adventure (like this was a campaign instead of a scheduled 4 hour game). So they end up being the total patsy for the Alliance. They then were totally suprised when a) they were Used by an Alliance Operative, b) ran into the fighters from the secret alliance base in the asteroid field, and c) that their past came to haunt them (you take the complications, and you don't expect them to ever be used?????).

Did I mention their ship blew up?

Re: Favorite Game Quotes

#78

From the depths of my modern game during a haunted house adventure...

"Okay, we taser him on three."

"Morgan, sweetie, if you take one step into this room, I'm going to taser you and tie you up. I can't handle taking three rounds from a nine millimeter again."

"You're going to taunt the malevolent presence? What could possibly make you think that's a good idea?"

"I'm saying we leave now before whatever demon currently possessing him decides to rip it's way out of his body and eat us all."

"All I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what it is. A white phosphorous grenade or two will clear the problem up no sweat."
"... Where did the eight year old get white phosphorous grenades anyway?"

"Wow. We just spent three days trapped in a house with the crazed ghost of a demonoligist, and I didn't get possessed once. This is a new record."

And my what my players hate hearing me say...
"Everyone make will saves."

Re: Favorite Game Quotes

#79

"You can sense the evil that emanates from it, great evil, terrible and powerful. Pure malevolence. Your astral sense warns you, but you have no idea what it is registering- it could be a portal to a world of evil, or an evil entity itself... But certainly, the Lance of Longinus is not the holy object everybody seems to think."

"But... But it has Jesus blood on it! It can't be evil!"

"Well, yes, but third-eyes don't lie. You are concentrating to hard on the evil emerging forth from the Lance, and you feel a jittery pain in your skull, somewhere near your pineal gland."

"But Jesus blood!"

"That doesn't make it not evil."

"But Jesus blood!"

"Look, it's got a damn evil presence, will you just shut up and accept that?!"

Re: Favorite Game Quotes

#80

After a massive beatdown:
GM: 734 damage? Um. *rolls dice* You know, for a dragon, this guy has a sucky fortitude save. The damage is so great that the massive shock just outright kills him.
Me: *glances at GM notes* Uh, Jill? That dragon only had 350 hit points. Even if he'd made the save, he'd still have been a grease spot.

"It's not a party unless there's ninjas."

GM: "You see a half-orc in glowing white platemail come out of the bar across the street. The demon takes one look at him and flees. The half-orc draws a sword and flies after him."
Talia Bladedancer: "... Okay, who wants to pretend that never happened?"
*entire party raises hands*

Talia Bladedancer: "Oh, man, this guy is stupid. Seriously. This shouldn't be a problem."
*guy in question shapeshifts into a dire boar*
Talia: "... Tell you what, Mariel. You take him out."
Mariel: "WHAT?"
Talia: "Well, you're the one with the silver halberd and a baby dragon."
Mariel: "You owe me, bitch."

Talia Bladedancer: "Do you mean we just got our collective ass handed to us by a psuedodragon who was using a bunch of illithids as marionettes?"
GM: "Yes."
Ik the Monkey: "Ik set little lizard on fire."
Talia: "Yes, you do that, please."
Ik: "No. Ik already set on fire. Taste like rat."

Nam the Ranger: "Look, Gundir, whatever you do, don't detect evil."
Gundir: "Don't worry. I don't want my brain to liquify; I don't have the intelligence to waste."

Mariel: "Please tell me that the Emperor has not been replaced by a doppleganger and subsequently kidnapped by medusas. ... Aw, hell."

Mariel: "What's that line?"
Guard: "Ah, that is the line of death. Cross it and you'll-" *breaks off as large flaming boulder is flung at party, landing a few feet from line* "Get creamed by one of those."

--Sci Fi Stuff--

Maito Kenji: "Are you telling me you coded a MegaDoom virus just to prove a damn point? You sir, are an ass."

Maito Kenji: "Hey, Mr. Asshole Tech. Thanks for looking after our buddy. Let me introduce you to his psycho, violence-prone daughter."
*much carnage ensues*
*later*
Anitaka Sher: "Psycho?"
Ken: "Well, I mean, given your track record."
Sher: "Oh. ... 'Violence-prone?'"
Genkou Himitsu: "Do you really need to question that one, given the state of those thugs?"
Sher: "No, I'm just wondering why you expressed it that way, and not 'homicidally enraged.'"

Maito Kenji: "That would be your swiftly approaching demise. Say hi to all the nice folks in hell for us."