Name: Damien Marcus Snow
Weight: 240 Ibs
Style: Crew cut
Facial Hair: Clean shaven
Parents: Mother; Anna Hawkins. Father; Gerald Snow.
Siblings: None, Raised as only child.
Work: Mother; Waitress. Father; Royal Navy (Air Defence Gunner)
Class: Middle, respected.
Relationship: Casual, Spends a lot of time with father. Would do anything for mother.
Employer: British Army
Joined At: Age 18, straight after College. The armed forces were a clear choice.
Left At: Age 26.
Reason for leaving: Father's murder, deeply shattered Damien inside. Now doing everything he can to find out who killed him and why. Whether or not he will exact revenge is yet unclear.
Primary Motivators: Liberation, Discovery. (Father's death)
Emotional Disposition: Curious, Melancholy.
Affinity: Mostly warm, may vary depending on hostility.
Disclosure: Disclosing. Will only keep the most personal things to himself, i.e. Father's murder.
Conformity: Normal, adheres to most cultural and societel norms.
Sense of Humour: Cynical, Enjoys Pranks.
Habits: Eavesdropping, Foot-tapping, Knuckle-cracking, Cleaning sidearm.
Hobbies: Working out at the gym, Metalsmithing, Krav Maga, Shooting at the range, Camping, Hiking.
Topics of Conversation: Politics, Profession, Entertainment, Current Events.
Mental Disorder(s): None.
Education: College, A-levels in History, Politics, Sport.
Car: Mercades G-Class.
Home: Bungalow in the countryside. South-west England.
Clothing: Dark Levi's, T-Shirt with Che Guevara logo, Sand-coloured hoody with army unit logo, Converse trainers.
Weapons: Colt 1911. (Belonged to father, no unique markings)
Only the one; to find out who murdered his father. Why they committed this atrocious act. So that his father may rest in peace, knowing that those who sought to end his life have been erased.
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? Responses (13)
Update: Took me several hours to upload everything. There were some errors with the script but I tried to fix it as best I could. Hope it is ok.
Interesting. Aside from the general 'modern' and 'war' attributes, what kind of setting are you putting him into?
This may sound like a stupid thing to say, but I'm afraid I don't fully understand your question?
Do you mean where will things take place?
I think my question is unclear because I'm not entirely certain what I'm asking myself.
I guess I'm curious about what kind of setting he's in. Is he just a 21st century NATO operative in a 3rd world military operation? Is he a rogue operative on a quest to track down his father's killer? What context should I understand him in?
I think I'm trying to get how he'd react in the setting. I know I'm being terribly vague in my questioning, for which I apologize. But right now, I feel like my understanding of Specialist Snow is tenuous, with a list of attributes, a motivation, and nowhere to go.
Would quotes help maybe? An example of how he's trying to track down his patricidal adversary?
Is anything I'm saying making sense, or am I rambling without a foreseeable direction?
You clearly have a fully-fledged character concept in your head, which is the first step. Now you need to help us 'get' this character in the same way that you do. Role-playing games are all about personalities, and the Game Master needs a little more information to be able to play the part of Specialist Snow convincingly.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Take a look at some of the higher rated NPCs on this site, to get an idea of what Strolenites look for in a character. Another source of potential inspiration is this excerpt from Masks -- an RPG resource that focuses entirely on NPC snapshots.
2. Rewrite this, keeping in mind what you have just read. It doesn't have to be long -- you can treat this as a slightly longer piece of flash fiction. If you like, you could keep the headings you already have (Family, Profession, Personality, etc) and write a short paragraph giving us the same information, but in a way that really evokes his character. Remember the cardinal rule of writing applies here, too: show, don't tell.
3. Keep it up! Posting on the Citadel can be a bit intimidating at first, but we're always thrilled to see work from new authors. Looking forward to seeing what you do with this piece.
Good to see that you've signed up. You'll get used to the place soon enough.
As for your sub, I have to go with what Dossta said; you have a good, detailed character skeleton, it's just lacking a little.. flesh!
You know, I actually don't mind this format for a character. It does tell you everything you need to know to 'use' him in whatever fashion.Since this is a character in a story you're writing, i can also understand how this format helps you plan your tale. Its just that we tend to love prose and your take on the character's history, mind-set, dynamic within story (or game), etc, as opposed to just the basic structure. Does that make sense?
In my physical notes I do have some, what I like to call 'character-outtakes'. Brief descriptions of certain attributes, memories, ideas.
I personally thought (and still do) that they might ruin a character sheet. Which is why I was reluctant to put them all in at first. Only adding a few.
I look forward to seeing these.
Fair enough. I guess my question then is...in your Forum intro you mentioned that you don't role-play but like to write. So I find myself curious as to why you seem focused on a 'character sheet' to begin with, instead of free-style writing? Again, just curious.
When I have a rough idea, I will begin by jotting down thoughts, ideas and so forth.
Making a character sheet is an easy way to begin developing a character. Later you can always move on to flesh them out more.
I'm withholding my vote for now but I will be happy to reread this if it is updated.
I see 2 areas where this could be improved. In the first, he seems a little stereotypical. There's nothing here to differentiate him from countless other movie and book heroes. He seems more like a caricature than a character. Parent killed? Check. Emotionally closed off? Check. Military training? Check. Believe me when I say this is an easy trap to fall into and one that has been difficult for me to kick. I reject a lot of my own character ideas (the ones that never make it to the page) for these same reasons.
Second, while the list of attributes covers many aspects, they don't really tell me who he is. I would say to use this list as a starting point rather than the finished product. If he's a practical joker, show us a couple of scenarios where that plays out. In fact, you could write a couple of paragraphs for each detail here and really bring this character to life. You may even find that the things which make so much sense as a single sentence fall apart once you try to fit them together through narrative. Contrary details may even present themselves.
I look forward to seeing where this concept takes you.
I can understand, and somewhat sympathise with your aversion to clíche. Yet when you look around you, in many movies, many books even; it is a common and successful part of the plot.
As I said in my reply to Murometz. I am not confident that adding paragraphs for certain attributes is a good idea. Which is why I only added a few in.
However, I can add more to further explore and explain the character.