We've all run into them: The players that want to find every piece of loot possible. After they've searched the bodies of their fallen foes, they carefully search the dung heap for treasure, cut open the farm animals and inspect their entrails, and otherwise waste time trying to wring out every last copper coin.
Now really, we have no one to blame but ourselves. If they didn't suspect that the Spear of Longinus was hidden under that manure, they'd move on like any other self-respecting heroes would. Noooo! These guys are secretly convinced that we've come up with some incredibly devious hiding place, and if they just look long enough, they're going to find the blueprints to the Death Star stashed in the old woodcutter's shanty.
My theory is that, at some subconscious level, we actually want the players to become completely sidetracked and confused. For that reason, I'd like to present a list of (at least) 101 distracting objects that could be found in someone's pocket (or pouch). This list could have other (actually useful) applications as well. For example, say your players find a Pouch of (Not So) Useful Items. You can use this list to let them know what they pull out.
So, without further ado, (More than) 101 Distracting Objects That Could Be In Someone's Pouch:
1. A map in a foreign language. Sure, it just tells how to find the 'Pirate Treasure', a halfway decent hotel in the run-down village of Norwath, but until they get to Norwath, they'll never know. If you're lucky, someone will try to decipher the script, roll badly, and get just enough information to REALLY confuse them.
2. A broken sword's hilt (just the hilt, OK?). It has a name inscribed upon it, the famous king Broheld, whose incredible magic sword broke when he tried to use it to remove a hangnail from the Dark Lord Zoroff. Of course, the bards don't tell it that way, but even a bard would have a hard time recognizing that this piece was crafted five years ago in a sweatshop that turns out hundreds of relics and artifacts each year.
3. A bag of 83 square copper coins from a distant foreign land. Local merchants won't accept them and the moneychanger wants 4 silver to exchange them for local currency.
4. A very sharp knife with a massive 3' long blade. The hilt tends to fall off.
5. A piece of birch bark with a list of nearly illegible names; each of the names has a number next to it. It's actually a football pool, but given the fertile imagination of paranoid players...
6. A watch clock (primitive watch) with several parts missing. It appears that it was retrieved from a shipwreck, judging by its general rusted and battered condition.
7. A ball of pale green yarn, slightly tangled.
8. A bent Iron Spike. Don't get me started about iron spikes...
9. A small statuette of a goat.
10. A breviary (small prayer book) with cryptic notations next to most of the prayers.
11. A hood, smelling faintly of turpentine.
12. Two small salted herring (not red). Each appears to have a strange and sinister symbol in the color pattern of its scales.
13. A piece of stone that appears to be flint, but which wouldn't strike a spark if you hit it with a bomb. It puts out any small fire it is dropped into.
14. A piece of exceptionally well-made vellum, entirely covered with a carefully-written list of campaign promises from a recent election. Most have already been broken and have been crossed off.
15. A small bag stuffed full of hair and fingernail clippings.
16. A wooden needle case with three broken needles in it. They appear to be magnetized if held near steel.
17. A discolored rag wrapped around an ear spoon. The rag bears the coat of arms of a nobleman that disappeared recently in the area.