Before Hondog Pen (The Living World) was created by the Creator, Niarog Cann (The Burning Hell) and Con Cundav (High Heaven) existed first. Both has its own attribute to the world. Burning Hell, is tht realm of chaos and darkness and High Heaven, is the realm of bringer of light and hope. Felenthur the Faces of Darkness, lord of all demons is in charge of the Burning Hell, while Impthus the Luminous Justicar, is in charge of the High Heaven, and the protector of all human kin, and those who stand on the path of truth. The battle between Felenthur and Impthus was endless. The outcome of the battle is always the same, whether it is on the realm of darkness itself, or on the realm of light, no one claim the throne of victory. Thousand of years had passed, with an uncertain result, each side had grew tired of the endless war. Felenthur and Impthus decided to pay the Creator a visit. Each with their own intention. Felenthur intention was to ask from the creator an ally that could defeat Impthus, while Impthus, asked for guidance from the Creator. As soon Felenthur arrived at the Creator's Hall, he saw Impthus closing in. ' Impthus, my eternal enemy. What could you want from the Creator? If it is victory that you seek! Then you can return to your realm and dwell within it! ' said Felenthur, with his terrifying voice. ' I am not you Felenthur. I came to seek guidance from the Creator ' Impthus replied as he walk down the hall. After hearing Impthus' clarification, Felenthur emits a powerful energy, and grabbed Impthus by the throat. ' You seek guidance to defeat me Impthus. Don't explain to me as if I don't know anything about your real intention ' as Felenthur was about to do any harm to Impthus, the hall suddenly trembles. Both of them knew it was the Creator. ' Release of him, Felenthur. Your brother always came here to seek my guidance! ' the hall begin to tremble again as the mighty voice reached out. ' He always come here? How many guidance that you have been giving to him to defeat me! And there is no wonder why I never obtain victory! ' Felenthur replied rudely. ' Don't you know who you had spoken to, brother? You don't have to be rude in front of the Creator! ' Impthus clarify with a calm voice. Watching his greatest creation argue over which favor who, the Creator unleashed a vigorous power. Both of them turned silent. ' Felenthur! you are still ignorant! You know that I tend to balance between both of your elements! Both of you should know, that Dark and Light must be balanced! But yet, you turned your back and walk away from your brother! I had created those who are alike you! (other demon lord) so that I could satisfy your needs!! ' everthing turned lucent as the Creator clarify his real intention creating both of them, which is to balance between Darkness and Light. ' If I must fulfill another desire, and that might be Impthus! Because you already asked a lot from me Felenthur! ' the Creator clarify again while he switch to look on Impthus. ' Now, Impthus. What do you want from me this time? It's been a long time since your last plea to me ' the Creator spoke, as he land his draranaust (a gentle touch) upon Impthus ' Your Lordship, you knew my real intention when I pay you a visit. I only seek guidance. And nothing more. But, instead, it is best if you fulfill Felenthur's plea ' Impthus replied as he vow down in front of the shining light. In the other hand, Felenthur was glad to hear Impthus' clarification to the Creator. ' Very well, Impthus. And for you Felenthur, Impthus, once again delayed his plea. What is it you want? ' the Creator spoke to Felenthur. ' I want a key to victory! So that, I could conquer the High Heaven and the Living World! And a new creation that armed with supreme powers! ' express Felenthur with an overwhelming ego. Impthus was shocked, to hear Felenthur's plea to the Creator, as he was about to decline Felenthur's plea, the Creator had already spoke ' Very well, Felenthur '. ' Your Lordship, I thought you want to balance between Darkness and Light? But yet, you fulfill his plea? ' Impthus said as worries overcome him. ' I never turned back from promises, Impthus. You know that ' the Creator spoke, as the bright light fade away. A moment after, a new creature crawl out from the abyss, a woman with a body of a spider with a minions of undeads and other supernatural beigns. After a short while, a sort of a huge citadel rising from beneath the ground. As it was raised by an unknown force, everything surrounding the citadel blighted. ' What have I done? ' Impthus cried while he kneel down in front of the Pen Sin (world map.). ' I knew that I will claim over the throne of victory Impthus. And now, nothing can stop me. ' said Felenthur as he proudly walk pass Impthus. And from that moment, the Living World was engulf with shadow and chaos. Human kin were forced to be the cultist of either spider religion, or Felenthur. From that moment, demons start to invade the Living World through Mriulnarth, The Heart of the Demons.
FIRST VICTORY AFTER A THOUSAND YEARS
For the first time ever, Felenthur had won over Impthus. Claiming the throne of victory for himself, he ordered his princess and princesses to invade Hondog Pen, and enslave any living things that walked the world. One of the first human kingdom that they launched an attack was the Uthurgad Kingdom ( Origin of Emperor A'Shantar I ). Most of the Athlran (Angels) wanted to lend a hand upon the Living World. But, fate forbid them to do so. Impthus, cannot do anything to help the human, but instead, he stand helpless watching the Pen Sin from the High Heaven. Felenthur and his Lannen (Demons) won every battle against Impthus and his Athlran.Â
AN UNEXPECTED PROPHECY
Felenthur's plea to the Creator had brought him endless victory over the High Heaven. But, what he didn't know is theÂ consequencesÂ that might follow.In the other hand, Impthus never made a plea to the Creator over victory, but what he was about to hear, is out from his expectations. One night, Impthus the Luminous Justicar and Mirzem the Luminous Faith was visited by Farons, a creature that they never saw before. A creature that didn't live on both Hell nor Heaven. And the Farons also nowhere to be seen in the Living World. According to the Arnarn Feraro, ' Farons are a beign that actually never exists. They are souless, but they can breath. They are formless, but they can move like any other living things '. The Farons had spoke about their prophecy, that one day, the whole demon realm will be conquered by a pair of brothers. Impthus, somehow, was relieved to hear about the prophecy and was hoping that it might be true. Soon enough, the rumor reached the realm of chaos. As rage overcome Felenthur, he ordered his minions to slay any mortal in the Living World. But none of those who he had slain was this 'pair of brothers'. As Felenthur and his associates eager to find out this 'pair of brothers', they infiltrate Yu'Madznikt (an archive that is located between Niarog Cann and Con Cundav) to take Arnarn Feraro where they believed the answer is writen in the book. But what they get in only frustration. The answer they seek, wasn't written on the book. The knowledge they seek is nowhere to be found. And once again, Felenthur thought he could be the victor over everything, but his expectations wasn't like the last time. Felenthur had to face the unexpected, anytime.
After the demons travelled to the outerskirt of Niarog Cann, they finally reached Yu'Madznikt. They enter and slain any Athlran who dare to oppose them. Felenthur reach out his hand for the sacred book of knowledge, and start searching about the rumor. But, the knowledge he seek was nowhere to be seen or written in the book. Felenthur look at one of the Athlran and asked ' Where is the rumor about the pair of brothers!? Tell me now!! '. The Athlran Â shook his head, which the explains heÂ didn't know anything about this rumor. Without any hesitation, Felenthur killed the Athlran. By theÂ moment he slain the Athlran, a mysterious beign came out from the shadow. ' You tend to find something, that you shouldn't know, demon. In fact, this knowledge is forbidden to you. Keep in mind, no matter how wide you engulf the Living World with your wrath, there is no stopping 'them' now ' after clarifying his statement, the Faron took Arnarn Feraro and disappear in a flash.
CREATURE THAT LURK WITHIN AND THE STRUCTURE OF MRIULNARTH
All beigns that lurk within Mriulnarth' wall, was consists of terrible beasts. Demons, cultists (mostly embracing the Spider Religion) and other terrifying creature. The main gate and the wall that stretch the damned city was made out from a mysterious stone that was forged from the oblivion. Beside the main gate was a huge and a tall tower that protect this main gate. Exactly behind the main gate was two great ziggurat. Each with its own name. The left ziggurat was known as The Demon Princess and to the right was known as The Demon Princesses. The cultist who lived inside the wall, often visit these two ziggurat to pledge their loyalty to the demon they chose to worship. Between this two great ziggurat was a main road that lead to another ziggurat. The Arachnid Ziggurat, where all the spider cultists pay a visit to worship their goddess. The cultists, especially that is human, usually sacrifice a young woman in the ziggurat to transform her into a spider (These woman willingly sold their soul to the goddess, to become one of the Arachnid). Mostly, these spider cultist have their own nation that are located at Al'Kamand Desert. Some of them are governed by a Lich and some govern by a Grand Arachnid. At the center of the damned city, was a massive temple that tribute to the Demon Lord, Felenthur. Inside this massive temple was a portal to Niarog Cann. The massive temple was guarded by Spire (A massive and tall spikey demon. They can camouflage themselves into a mountain. However, their big eye is their main weakness)
As the villagers was taken to the damned city, a daughter asked her father ' Father, this place scares me. Are we going to be alright? '. The father didn't reply his daughter, as he already hypnotized. The child cries, and was hoping someone would come and save her and her father. By the time the demon caravan arrived the corner that lead to the damned city, a group of human warriors came out and ambushed the caravan. The human won the battle and managed to defeat the cultists. As the father finally gain conscious, Emperor Averemarn I lend his hand to both the father and daughter. ' What is your name, pure heart? ' Averemarn asked the young girl, but her father replied ' Her name was Zephyna milord ' said the father with rather in a scared tone. ' Follow me, villager, and keep my word, your daughter shall stand together with the brothers. And together, they shall bring down MriulnarthÂ '.
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? Responses (7)
Could you possibly break that first chunk up into paragraphs? That would make it easier to read.
Other than that, it was good. Nice details, good backstory.
will do sire~
Alright, it's obvious you put some effort and thought into this sub. The best thing you can do now is really clean it up, to make the information more accessible to other people. The mythology at the beginning is nice flavor text, but is somewhat hard to read in one big chunk. You may consider breaking that down into separate paragraphs and putting it all in a block quote, since it's not really part of the main idea. I'm not sure the bit about the prophecy adds anything to this piece, as it doesn't help describe the city or any of its residents.
Which brings me to the location itself. A wall composed entirely of living creatures is a very creepy image indeed. The whole place has a sort of apocalyptic nightmare vibe to it that could be interesting to play with. I would also break this up into smaller chunks to make it easier to read, but the idea seems pretty solid.
I'll try to improve it, milord~
I have to agree with caeser, it would be a lot easier on the eyes if it were split into smaller paragraphs.
This is a pretty cool write-up with some flair. I like the demonic feel of the piece throughout, like all the names, and enjoyed the background 'voice'. The Wall is indeed a gruesome encounter. Good campaign fiber here.