Cavern of Inane Natter · Legacy archive
Approach me if ye dare!!!
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Approach me if ye dare!!!
#1I hereby challenge all takers to a duel! Marquis of Queensbury rules! Many of you I have seen wishing for a fight and now you find a war brought to your footsteps!
All who dare approach me will be assaulted with a variety of objects that amuse me! No one will be spared, no quarter will be given as I have no coin!
Don't make me turn this car around or I'll find a tofu stand with a view and a really nice juice bar and shackle you to a comfy chair, stranded, left with nothing to sustain you, but a whole tofurkey and a carfe of carrot juice with a sprig of lemon while you endure your pastel flower print wallpapered hell! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#2*Explodes*
Gah! Killed by gibberish! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#3And incidentally... A wombat is deadly enough without a flamethrower - take this from an Australian.
Wombats have left towns in nothing more than smoldering ruins. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#4*Explodes*
Gah! Killed by gibberish!
Looks like you have already been slapped down Agar. LOL -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#5What's a chhicken? -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#6*Blinks* Uuh... er... Yes... -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#7I will rain down an unholy DOOM of gibberish upon your DOOMED heads! For I know the mighty secrets of... THE HAPPY NOODLE BOY RANT! *dun dun dun* The Happy Noodle Boy Rant is nothing like you have ever seen! Unless of course you were around when Citizised SlickFace was, in which case you may have some idea. The sheer gibberish will make your very spleens implode! Your SPLEENS, do you hear me? -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#8---Strolen---
*An iridescent chicken with a stutter charges at Strolen with blinding speed.* "B-B-B-Bwak Bwak!!!"
---Ria---
I shall defeat your Happy Noodle Boy Rant *dun dun dun* with my Bi-polar Chopsticks of Asexual Persuasion! *Boom-chicka-bow-bow* It.
too, is unlike anything you've ever seen, because it only exists in the dimension the lives behind your back. It's there, really, just turn around and you'll see it. ... Nope, it's still behind you. ... No, the other way. ... Turn around! Faster! ... You almost saw it that time!
...
No, wait, never mind, I was thinking about the dimension behind my back. But only I can see thatone.
---Shadoweagle---
*Rewinds tape of Shadoweagle exploding* This is so cool. *rewind* Hahaha. *rewind* Look at his face. HAHAhaaa. *rewind* You can see right where he thinks he starts to get it. *pause* Yhea, right there. HA! *rewind* Does he know he can't blink after his head has exploded? *fast forward to eyelids fluttering to the ground* I guess not... -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#9I lethargically remove a piece of gum, insert it into my mouth while yawning, and crumple the shiny wrapper into a wad and toss it aside which the *shiny thing* should immediately attract even an irridescent stuttering chicken.
The chicken flies right by it, the only reason being that its blinding speed has indeed blinded it.
The irridescent stuttering chicken has indeed blinded itself and I take a step to the side pull out a revolving door out of my left pocket and place it directly in the chickens path.
The chicken spinning the door provides a nice breeze before it starts barreling back towards Agar.
With a leap of stunning ability I jump on top of it, place two corn cob holders into each side of the chicken's head and use the corn cob holders to steer the runaway chicken.
"Agar! What is that behind you?" -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#10*Strolen and the iridesent stuttering chicken disappear into the dimesion behind me and now only Ican see them.*
Mwa-ha-ha-haaaaaa! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#11Wha....
Hu....
Ahhhhhh.....
What a second....that's not a dimension, it is just dirty hair that looks like another dimension!
You thought what you kept feeling on your hair was an extradimensional beast but it was just a family of robins that nested in your hair. Did you really think their chirps was the sound of space and time warping? -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#12The mysterious Lord Zargoth pops in for a quick bite to eat and chops apart several interdimensional squigs with his ten-foot sword, Balmung Dude. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#13---Strolen---
But it is the sound of space warping. You see, you can't see, only I can see it. All you see is hair while I can see the whole of it's wonders. The strawberry skys filled with creamy clouds, the deep blue fields filled with fish, all the crops out in the rolling green sea, tending the ripe farmers. *sigh* I don't expect the unenlightened to understand. Here, I'll light you.
*Sets a pack of flamethrower toting wombats loose on Strolen*
---Lord Zargoth---
I know of you, Lord, and your 'Mysterious' ways. I know why you hide your past and cloak you dealings. PARKING TICKETS! Ah Ha, you fiend! Parking the wrong way on the wrong side of the road in front of an expired meter! Have you no shame! VARLET! All because you just had to get a new bucket of Shiney Sword (R) for your ten foot blade.
I know what the crumpets do in the middle of the night, the dancing, the singing; oh the singing, enought to make a man mad with the singing! The soft voices, chorus so gentle the words are whispers lost to the slightest sound, an errant heart beat drowns out the sounds of thier music, I know. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#14*Descends in a gigantic swirling tornado of blue and green fire*
POWER ZAD!
The ball is in my court, now!
*Tosses a severed hand clutching a fish at Agar* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#15*A swirling ring of blue and green fire circles above my head, then decends ina cone to suck me up into the air while I look stunned*
Wha-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa!
*A severed hand clutching a fish falls from the sky*
*squish* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#16*Falls off the speeding chicken in a swirling pile of dust*
A chant rises from the fallen one.
Oh la la your shoes untied.
Oh da do you stepped in poo
Taza nog, laza frog, let you be immersed in grog
Grode ne dower, give me the power of voodoo. Who do? You do? Do what? Remind me of the baaaaabe. leave me alone I am busy
Shiggle de be, shiggle de zee you now have an uncontrollable urge to pee -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#17Confronted with such a giant amount of fruit juice, we just have to ask ourselves:
WWJD: WHAT WOULD JECHT DO? -
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#18KERBLOOP-ZAP!
PAZ-POOLBREK! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#19ATTENTION, RUFFIANS! UNCLE SAM IS DEAD! I REPEAT, UNCLE SAM IS DEAD! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#20Or is he?
DUM-DUM-DUMMMMMM!
TO BE CONTINUED! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#21He's not dead. I just bought a pack of gum and two comics from him at the corner market. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#22Oh. Well, say hello for me. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#23*The severed hand holding the fish shakes and lands lip first on the ground. The fish slides across the ground towards Captain Penguin and starts shaking and rising into the air. The shaking's source is revealed as a pair of clown shoes protruding from the fish's mouth. As the fish and severed hand get closer, more and more of the legs appear out of the fish's mouth, growing taller and larger as they close the distance. Oversized checkered pant's emerge, held up by rainbow suspenders over a polka-dotted shirt. A pinwheel for a tie grows out of the fish's mouth, followed by Agar's face, painted up as a clown. His arms are revealed to be above his head as the fish floats higher into the air. Hands clutching a neon pink nerf (R) bat grow out of the mouth, then further into air as the bat reaches the ridiculous proportions of twelve feet long and a foot wide, with the fish and severed hand fixed to the tip.*
Swing, batta batta, swing!
*Whoosh. Fish and severed hand meets Capt's cheek at mach speeds* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#24FREEZE FRAME -- FREEZE FRAME
Something fishy is going on!
The evil clown/fish/thingy is about to clock our hero!?
BAM CRASH BOOM
Will the smack of a fish be the end of our hero?
Will the fishy clown have the last laugh?
Will our hero be ruined in the bass-O-matic?
Stayed tuned till next time.
Same Fishy place
Same Fish time.
Same Fish channel.
ROLL COMMERCIAL -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#25Gaaaah! CLOWNS!!
*Ria pulls out the Overly Large Mallet of Pain, and swings it wildly at the clown. She inadvertently hits the fish and severed hand, knocking them into the next duchy. (They land in a millpond, understandably traumatizing the miller's son, but that is another story.)
I *%^&$ hate clowns! *Starts swinging wildly*
I'll show YOU! For none can stand against the horror that is the HAPPY NOODLE RANT!
"The squirrles plot! Goobers! Goobers! Give me Goobers, pinata! Be free, little sausage! The rats compel you! Therz gold in that thar hamster! Fear the wedgie of doom! TacktacktackDING! REJECTED! Soy un banan! Did the dog send you?! No Brain Freezy for you on this night! I see da monkey, da monkey no see me! I am lawyer what punches heads! The vacuums plot! Oh dear lord, the dustbunnies! Run for your lives! Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Roll dat flashback, Bob! Foo! Qu'est-ce que? I made mashed potatoes! Must obey taco man! Where's my squeaky moose?! Hail Il Palazzo! Love and peace! Daylight come, and I smash your toes! Hey, y'all, watch this, FOOM! Flibbity Blimmisy Skool! Blap." -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#26This has all been so therapudic for relieving holiday stress. Coming here and being almost professionally silly has been a wonderful way to vent stress and relax.
You should understand that my wife and I are starting our first business and on top of that stress we have people being people and getting into holiday stress fits. One if our cars decided to take a holiday and refused to turn on one day. Don't forget that the earthquake in central california which rattle here to gently to feel, yet still knocked over a handful of pieces in our kiln and fused them together. And the next day, an element melts, literally a part of it went liquid, and the whole load is still being salvaged, and we had to run our last minute holiday to some friends of ours an hour north of us. Lastly, our holiday ham passed the ghost, and we all got a mild case of food posioning.
And yet, it's been a good year. :D
Thanks for all my friends here for helping relieve our stress. On that note...
*The clown grabs ahold of his hat and pulls it and it's face off to reveal DICK CLARK!!*
It's time to count down the hits to the new year!Number 5! An octopus inside of a jello mold!
*A two meter wide jello mold with an octopus inside lands on top of Ria. The octopus begins to try to slither through the jello towards Ria, pusing aside peeled white grapes, cherries, strawberries, and the occasional jelly bean.*
P.S. My wife just came up to me while I was writing this and let me know she's pregnant with our third kid. :hyper: Whoo Hoo! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#27Yeah, well at least you didn't have a wooden spoon break while mixing chocolate chip cookies. Now that you are through all the bad there is only up to go.
Congratulations on Agar Jr. Jr. Jr., that is awesome news :!:
I grab an Action Hero and dance under the Christmas tree in extreme glee.
I bow to the pig in the pink ballerina skirt before I deal a hand of go fish to the gathered participants. I think the blob of jello might have eaten its hand but it is hard to tell as it ingests everything.
Many things can be defeated through physical violence, but the test of true strength is that through the wits tested in challenge.
::Go Fish:: -or- ::Hide-and-Seek:: -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#28NARM! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#29Narm, yes, well that was something along the lines of our next hit:
Number 4!
Noodles Around Rubber Marsupials! (N.A.R.M.)
*A score of Spagetti covered Kangaroos made of rubber pile over the top of Captain Penguin*
Narm indeed! :D -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#30Fnord! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#31For number 3 we have:
A soaking wet Purple People Eater!
*A soaking wet Purple People Eater charges at Kassil*
Must eat people!
For our number 2 hit, we proudly present:
An Orange Kangaroo from Denmak!
Pick a number from 2-9.
Muliply your number by 9.
You now have a 2 digit number. Subtract the larger digit from the smaller digit. Ex: 56 = 6-5=1.
Add one to your number.
That number corresponds to a letter in the English alphabet, where A=1, B=2, and so on.
Think of a country that starts with that letter.
Take the last letter of that country and think of an animal that starts with that letter.
Take the last letter of that animal's name and think of a color.
I don't know about you, but the last time I was in Denmak, I didn't see any orange kangaroos.
*An orange Kangaroo bounces to land in front of you and begins to pummel you with neon blue boxing gloves* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#32"How lucky for me that I'm a dragon, not a 'people'." Kassil notes as he takes to the air, flying in lazy circles and leading the soaking wet purple people eater off towards the moat. -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#33BOO! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#34*circles around and leads the stampeding Soaking Wet Purple People Eater right for Strolen, while bombing everyone with doughnuts* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#35And the number one hit, here to bring in the new year, is YOU. That's right, you are the funniest thing to slap somebody with. Here you are now!
*You are lifted up by an invisible force and proceed to pummel everyone around you. Random globs of jello and animals with funny names and/or appearances are inserted for variety.* -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#36Snarmak bkarnoo!
Shilvaszzl-BogAT!
*Devours the true protonymic name of the year 2004 and then bursts into unnatural black flames and howls like 1,000 demons*
"HROOOOOOOON!" -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#37*Takes out his Whuppin' Foot*
My Whuppin' Foots itchin'!
I needs teh' Whup sumpin'! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#38*bends over*
That's funny, my whuppin pad is in the mood for a whuppin! Whup away! -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#39Did you ever get that feeling when you open a bag of Fritos that Larry Flint, or possibly Jay Leno, are inside, murdering Hugh Jackman? -
Approach me if ye dare!!!
#40Way to ressurect a post Capt.
*Slaps bystander with a sack of gerbils.*