Undead Cosmetics

1. Undead Cosmetics

   #1

   Due to a strange chat with Svyel, we have decided to found a company (name not yet known).
   
   
   Our vision is to be the company that best understands and satisfies the product, service and self-fulfillment needs of undead globally. Our dedication to supporting undead touches not only beauty – but health, fitness and self-empowerment.
   
   While most of our products are still in intensive development, you can already have a little peek at the future:
   
   "You should not wait until your flesh starts to fall out, our X-Dead with aloe does wonders!"
   (Complete with insecticide against that %$&# little beasties that try to eat you all the time! You should definitively try!)
   
   
   For the finer noses amongst you, we prepare a special line of nutrification products that increase or decrease the odour:
   
   - Get Subtle! Blend better into enviroment, and you can use the perfumes you liked when you were alive!
   
   - Show It Off! If you like your smell, you might as well as make it more intensive!
   (In some cases, it is the security that needs your bodily odours to put tears into visitors eyes. "No stupid grave-disturbers anymore... THIS will keep them away!")
   
   9 out of 10 of our customers are deeply satisfied with our services. Contact our local salesman, or wait until the Undead-Lady visits your crypt.

2. Undead Cosmetics

   #2

   Heh-heh-heh...

3. Hmmmm

   #3

   A necromancer of little magikal skill and a great deal of skill in chemistry/alchemy is obviously trying to make a little money on the side.
   
   Perhaps it was commissioned by a female Liche who was vain about her beauty? She wanted to look good, forever. Lichedom would not become her, though she had the magikal abilities and ummmm.. moral flexability to be a Liche. She should of tried vampirism. (Death Becomes Her comes to mind). So the basics of these products would be created for her to stave off ugliness.
   
   
   Additional products would be:
   
   Solar Screen, protecting you from the unhealthy effects of the sun. Why go up in flames, when you can look good? Comes in a variety of flesh colors, including goblin.
   
   "Vite be gone", keeps you from having that foul breath that comes from drinking blood. Comes in spearmint, peppermint, and bogworm.
   
   Plaster to repair broken bones is a must of the Zombie who wants to live. Orthoglue will be the product for you.
   
   Orthostrong: Several pills before you become unable to process them, makes your bones stronger and whiter than untreated bones. Why go into the unlife with dingy bones, when you can be gleeming white.
   
   Flesh Wax: Want to pass in public? Want to be fleshed out for a time? Our filling wax is the answer. You can build up a somewhat realistic face with our synthetic wax flesh. Apply enough of it, and you can appear to have muscles and mass under your robes. Currently available at fine necromantic guildhalls, where many skilled cosemetologists are there to assist your application.
   
   Glowing eye orbs. Everyone hates to be plain. Install these glowing glass balls in your sockets. Achieve that menacing look in a minimal time. Unlike comparable products, they will not block your vision.
   
   OH GOD! I just got the pun for putting an undead cosmetics thread in the "Fleshing it out" forum"!!!

4. Re: Hmmmm

   #4

   Orthostrong: Several pills before you become unable to process them, makes your bones stronger and whiter than untreated bones. Why go into the unlife with dingy bones, when you can be gleeming white.

   
   
   But what about the poor skeletons, that have no digestive apperatus to speak of? I know it is magic, but a skin lotion, I mean a skelet lotion would be much better. Applied directly on the bones of course.
   
   
   And soon the best-seller, "The Diamond-Shine", will make your bones even whiter and sparkling.
   
   For those wishing to get more out of nightly encounters, The Diamond Shine Extra with Phosphorus makes a shocking entrance wherever little light is. Don't be a simple skeleton like everyone around! Surprise your fellows and adventurers alike! Order NOW!

5. Undead Cosmetics

   #5

   New Worm-B-Gone!
   
   Are you a zombie, wight, lich, or other putrescent undead horror? Are you concerned with maggots and other crawlies in your rotting husk of flesh? Then you need Worm-B-Gone! This product utilizes unholy alchemical compounds to destroy all flesh-eating things on your corpse, while softening and moisturizing your papery, grave-worn epidermis.

6. Undead Cosmetics

   #6

   Are you a ghoul on the go and worry about keeping your dental hygene sharp? Then try new Smiling Dan's tooth file! Has both rough and fine faces to put the best flesh ripping points you can get on the market.

7. Undead Cosmetics

   #7

   Lost a limb? Can't grow it back? We have a wide selection of limbs you can purchase at a steal. Last arm a rotting mesh of flesh on a less then impressive bone. We have muscled arms with 2 week warranty. Guaranteed that the flesh won't start falling apart until you do.
   
   Bulk packages available.

8. Undead Cosmetics

   #8

   {SCENE is underground battle site, post fight. A number of chainmail-clad bodies are scattered, along with various inanimate skeltons & weapons. Animate Skeleton is in foreground, looking at held pieces of bone. Bones are missing from AS}
   
   Voice Over: "Oh no, lost more bones to another adventuring party?" {AS looks up at camera & nods.}
   
   VO: "But how will you ever figure out which bone goes where?" {AS nods vigorously.}
   
   {CUT TO product shot. Camera pans over instruction booklet, quick-find guide, adhesive patches, solvent, and both versions of the video (VHS & DVD). Music starts.}
   
   VO: "With Necro-Fit you can! NASA science and ancient necromatic secrets of the East combine to give you the secret known to European Undead. Our helpful instruction booklet and video will help you match the right bone to the right area."
   
   {CUT TO AS using product.}
   
   VO: "Just check the quick-find guide, apply an adhesive patch, and press. Instantly your bones fit right where they should." {AS looks up at camera & gives 'thumbs up' with newly replaced thumb.}
   
   VO: "It's so powerful, we even trademarked the name!" {ZOOM logo towards screen. Foley apply 'zoom' sound.}
   
   {CUT TO AS frustrated with bones stuck in wrong position, holding others, and glue covering everything.}
   
   VO: "Other similar products leave a sticky, gluey mess. Call now and receive our patented Bone-Off solvent, to fix all of those ugly patch jobs."
   
   {CUT TO POS page}
   
   VO: "For only 6 easy payments of just $19.95, you get the video, instruction manual, Necro-Fit adhesive pads, handy quick-find guide, and the Bone-Off solvent. Order now!"
   
   Disclaimer-VO: "Be sure to specify VHS or DVD. Allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. You must be undead to use this product."

9. Undead Cosmetics

   #9

   Tired of waterlogged or rotting flesh? Try Osteo-Seal, from the makers of Necro-Fit. This revolutionary sealant prevents water from entering into bone or dessicated flesh. It locks away the necrotic freshness, and gives you that unhealthy sheen.

10. Undead Cosmetics

    #10

    Are youa plain skeleton, but want to be the center of attention? Try our "Learn to play the Xylophone in 10 easy lessons" Guide. Unlife will sound just different! Just 4,95$!

11. Undead Cosmetics

    #11

    Frustrated over your appalling lack of decay? Died in a way that causes unwanted preservation? Sick of being uninvited to the dead man's party because you look too "fresh?"
    
    With Necro-Fit's newest Tarnished Sensations line of Undead cosmetics, you too can be the life of the cemetary. New colours, such as Pallid and Gangrene, can compliment any funerary wardrobe.
    
    Our Putre-scents perfume gives your corpse that odour of decay sure to be a hit with the guys & ghouls.

12. Undead Cosmetics

    #12

    Leading centuries long philosophical contemplations or reading through your library can prove troublesome if grave-robbersand would-be heroes breach your sanctum.
    Golemdogs are the answer ... they don't have to go for a walk (shamble), are clean and require little maintenance...
    
    coming in several variations:
    *Anubis: this dynamic model can see troublesome spirits as well as mages in astral form and give them a naughty bite. Comes in stylish black, eithersteel or onyx.
    *Cerberus: swift battle model, with a built-in Project Flame ability. A must-have for those who like to lighten up the mood.
    *Fenris: a huge battle model, impervious to damage, pleas and bad puns. Can project a field of darkness ("devour the sun") for the light-sensitive amongst you.

V2.0 - Threads Moved to Main Citadel · All categories · Guildhall