Missing details...

#1

Well, I made my first sub, and it seems to have gone over well, but it seems that just about everyone wants more details. Frankly, I've about exhausted my ideas for precisely what to add to it, and I'd really like to make it better if I could, I like the race I made, and its the kind of thing I'd like to know for future submissions.

if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Thanks

-Arminas

Re: Missing details...

#2

Well. Just for the wonderful lazy people among us. Here's the link. http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=2338

I'll see what I can figure out. Probably talk to you about it on friday.

Re: Missing details...

#3

Yeah, sorry... seems I have the same issue with my second post, haha

http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=2347

Re: Missing details...

#4

Here, this is real quick. I'm leaving and wanted to get this up before I did.

Finally, they can leave the forest because that is half the point of their existance. They are not necessarily an extension of a spirit, but an independant collection of bits of spirits. They have a very deep connection to the forest, but they CAN live without it.. Rarely do they stray from their forest, but they ARE able to leave - Possible origin of the Elvish race here? The Elves are deeply attuned to nature, but not to this extent. Maybe at one point, when forests were more abundant, they mated with each other. Now these ones would have been less attuned to nature than their parents, but would still have some of it.

Along the same lines - What happens when one of these babies has sex with some human off the street? When poor little Sally gets pregnent because they didn't use a rubber, or gut as would be the case, what happens?

On the status of advisors - I seriously doubt that being neutral is in the forest's best interest. Wouldn't they always choose the side that they thought woudld hurt the forest less? I mean, unless if it's 'Tree Hugger Empire A' and 'Tree Hugger Empire B' arguing about who has more right to worship the great tree of knowlege...

On their age - You said it had to do with the age of the forest. Now is this the age of the forest, like the xxy Jungle has stood there for 10000 years, or the age of the animals/trees in the forest, same Jungle often has large fires that rage through parts of it. As a result, almost no tree in the forest is older than 20 years...

And I'm a bit confused what 'universally born' means. Do all the animals/people go into labor at once, or do they just pop out of the air?

And do their apperance reflect what type of forest they came from? Would a young forest of temperate forest ofstraight, slender trees birth a tall, slender, even-headed Silvani, while a wind-blown, knarled, mountain forest birth a crooked, bent-over, Silvani that has an icy personality?

Re: Missing details...

#5

I think the problem may be that they are too story orriented and not useful in game, or even another story.

In the case of the Silvani, they seem to be the sole protagonist in their sagas. They are a solo creature who are the hero of their forest against the (Evil) human incroachment.

The Twins are a really great story, that ends. (Notice everyone mentions it as a story or a myth or a legend... nobody addresses it as a character and item.) No one knows what became of the sword sister and her brother, but it is said he roams the lands now (doing what? Searching for a cure, righting wrongs, getting drunk and wenching, what??). It is a questing story, rather than something insertable into a game or another story.

That is the crux of the problem as I see it. Both are protagonists. There is no place for player characters, the protagonists of the game saga. In fact the PCs would be less than consequential in any story sequence which had either of these posts embedded in it. That makes for less than optimal gaming.

So perhaps an edit approach might help both.
Remember that we are posting up NPCs (see the top of the page). Keep that in mind as you post.

People want details, they want the concrete things that help them put those submissions in their own game/ story. Story Hooks if you will. They want a) plots lines that might involve these people (brief things 1-3 lines at most), b) plot lines dealing with their motivations (So what do these things do when left to themselves (done with the Silvani not with the twins), and c) a good sense on if these are mostly antagonists for the characters or potential allies.

They also want more functional details so they can have a better understanding of the Twins or Silvani. Again, better done for the Silvani than the Twins. They need examples and analogies, so The Silvani are the personification of the forest... they are the general of an animal army when it is threatened... they can manipulate the green to its own defense... that sort of thing. They need a sense of scale, is the Silvani magical in an "all the cantrips (tiny spells) they want to cast in a given day" sort of way or "a power mighty enough to be god like in the forest" sort of way. A better idea on how to they stack up to an average PC magic user or known fictional character might be an example. (While Merlin is the superior druidic wizard in all things, in its realm the Silvani could humble him unless he was exceptionally careful. )

People want utility in a post, they want to utilize it in their stories (where these things are not seen as the main protagonists of the saga). Of course, they want utility wrapped up in an artistic package... which you should be able to do without an issue.. you have artistry down... now you need to add utility.

Do you have a better feeling about what people are looking for?

*************************

Some more personal comments on those posts:
Silvani:
So what do the Silvani look like? Are they Human like, Elf Like, or Dryad Like? Could they walk into town without causing a fuss, or are they something inhuman?

The vagueness of their knowledge of what they are (last paragraph before the requested info) makes them interesting as a story protagonist (so they can 'grow up and discover themselves), but is a confusing detail when putting them in another's story. That whole paragraph is a little vague and unfocused. It needs more purpose to it, perhaps being broken up into two shorter ones?

Your answers in the requested info are also vague. Make a decision, give an example, and show what is possible. (I don't want to say show don't tell. Showing is nice, but I really want you to tell, not infer things.)

The Twins
Wonderful Story. It should be posted as a story. So really, we need an NPC post, for the brother and an item post for his sister. That way the characters can encounter him in the game and possibly opt to aid him in his quest.

As characters or NPCs: Everything posted should be an NPC. If it is your character... it is the protagonist of the game... not the PCs.

Does the brother change back into a sword? That is unclear. As I read it, she is stuck as a sword. Do they switch back and forth? Are they both swords now? How might one recombine them (might magics, ancient artifacts, creative use of alchemy, divine will???) Again non concrete examples to illuminate the possible confusion. The reader needs a way to gague the effects of things.

Hopefully this helps.

Re: Missing details...

#6

RE: http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=2364

I see you took the words to heart. Though it is a different kind of post, the degree of concrete detail is wonderous.
:moon: :moon: Two paws up