Classified Ad

1. Classified Ad

   #1

   FOR SALE:
   
   One slightly used cloak of invulnerability. Remains of previous owner can be cleaned from lining with fat and ashes. Otherwise in good condition. Will take any offer.

2. Classified Ad

   #2

   For Trade
   Three cursed magic items of your choice for one real map to a dungeon.

3. Classified Ad

   #3

   Midian Classifieds (Linking better than a copy-paste of someone else's work. There's some funny stuff in here.)

4. Classified Ad

   #4

   Single green female, seeking same. Must love kids and be ready for commitment. I'm tired of playing games.
   
   WANTED: Adventurers; must be willing to travel. Pay negotiable. Little chance of slow, painful death at the hands of the the lich-king of Nuggathoi.
   
   LOST? CONFUSED? The Ichor God Ixcthaggua has the answer! Free coffee and Grimoire study every wednesday at seven!
   "Our doors are always open!"
   
   
   It's an old joke, but someone has to make it...
   
   MISSING: one cloak of invisibility. If found, please return to Forwen Mallecius, care of the Dancing Goblin Inn. REWARD.

5. Re: Classified Ad

   #5

   For sale: goblet of infinite replenishing.  leaks slightly. five gold

6. Re: Classified Ad

   #6

   Normally I don't post when I don't have something to say but...
   
   :)
   
   I found the slight leak out loud funny.

7. Re: Classified Ad

   #7

   Help wanted: Attempting to evict six orcish squatters. No weapons allowed on premises.
   
   already completed by a blind paraplegic halfling.

8. Re: Classified Ad

   #8

   Found on the wall of a cave in an ancient tongue:
   
   "Single male into hunting and making arrows seeks female with gathering skills"

9. Re: Classified Ad

   #9

   Shouldn't that be pictograms?
   
   
   OK... now I have to add one, too.
   
   "Gibbering mouther seeks a good listener. Interested in a platonic relationship only, suffering from a depression of having eaten last love interest by chance."

10. Re: Classified Ad

    #10

    Lost your motivation?  Feeling empty and lifeless?  Assertive necromantic firm looking for fresh faces.  This is your chance to feel alive again!  We are an Equal-Opportunity employer with a unique program for helping the handicapped. 

11. Re: Classified Ad

    #11

    ...and handicapping those we help!

12. Re: Classified Ad

    #12

    Dark Side meeting in the basement under old Crowly mansion. Unleash your true inner self and grasp for power.  Cookies to be provided.

13. Re: Classified Ad

    #13

    Plate Armor for sale, Size XL.  Excellent condition, black enameled finish.  A must-see with custom detailing, embossed skulls and incantations of doom, and new leather straps and accents.  Call Fortress of Despair and ask for Bunny.

14. Re: Classified Ad

    #14

    WANTED: Backstory to +2 bastard sword.  Lost loves and an ancient secret preferred.  Demons need not apply.

15. Re: Classified Ad

    #15

    Surplus Ammo for sale.  Several used firearms. All in Good condition. Getting out of adventuring business, everything must go. Contact at Mercenary2158@yahoo2.comnet
    

16. Re: Classified Ad

    #16

    
    WANTED: Backstory to +2 bastard sword.  Lost loves and an ancient secret preferred.  Demons need not apply.
    

    
    
    Dang! That was a good one!

17. Re: Classified Ad

    #17

    An old one recently rediscovered:
    
    http://www.strolen.com/guild/index.php?topic=1032.0

18. Re: Classified Ad

    #18

    Modrus Magic item removal:
    Donate those unwanted magical things. We will take those unwanted magic items and cursed items off your hands. we will find said items a good home with a needy, but loving, dungeon. And the best news is the donation is a tax deduction. Picking up in your area this month, send a messenger to us today for pick up.

19. Re: Classified Ad

    #19

    One Ancient Evil looking to mentor a new generation of Evil. Learn from my experience, as I have nearly succeeded nearly a dozen times. Become enthralled by my Evil.  Contact me by viewing globe.
    
    

20. Re: Classified Ad

    #20

    Wanted Spellbooks
    Will also accept spell scrolls and tablets. Latin, Hebrew, and Arameaic prefered, others at a reduced price.

21. Re: Classified Ad

    #21

    For sale: 40,000 FAMAS assault rifles, never fired, only dropped once.
    
    For sale: 10 AMX-30 Main Battle Tanks, slight design problem, only available in five speed reverse and one speed forward.
    
    For sale: 40,000 used military issue white flags.

22. Re: Classified Ad

    #22

    Looking for outdoorsman and experience tomb raiders for an upcomming expedition to the sunny southern continient. Base Pay plus possible reward in exchanged artifacts. Send resume to the Geographic Society Box 37.
    
    Now this is an adventure waiting to happen.

23. Re: Classified Ad

    #23

    Universe for sale. Many dramatic plots still useful. Just needs to be touched up a little and some new Heroes need to be added. Contact me at  Diety@Diety.Net

24. Re: Classified Ad

    #24

    Are you a girl aged 25-30 who has allways longed to be a princess, with the pretty dresses, the servants and the money? It could be you. E-mail Yocasta@aol.com for details.

25. Re: Classified Ad

    #25

    Pig Headed but ultimately loyal fighter needed to complete rag tag gang of misfits turned crime fighting team.  Aversion to authority, gruff voice, and murky troubled past prefered, as are roof jumping and hand to hand combat skills. Must b ring own weapons. Sweing skills also a bonus, as we need uniforms.  Send photo to ........

26. Re: Classified Ad

    #26

    Wanted: Sacrificial virgin, female. Satanic cult situationed in The City requires non deflowered girl, age 16-18 years old, for participation in Black Mass. Blondes prefered. We will be summoning various ademons of the Ninth Circle, so a medical certificate stating the subject's hymen remains intact is essential. Black candles and any Kreator or Deicide CDs are optional, but can helpget things in the right mood. All food and drink supplied. Interested?  Call High Priest Damo at 8125551234 or email  Satanguy444@yahoo.com

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