Items · Melee Weapons · Magical
The Sword Leviathan
Requesting advice
The weapon has elvish writting on the hilt, which describes the power of the blade and a warning to whomever may use it. the main users are elvish warriers and members of a royal family as it is normally handed down a family line. The blade is made of platinum which shines mother of pearl and when commanded to it can submerge itself in boiling water which can get up to 110 degrees. The attacker can not withstand the blade near them or on there skin, as the blade enters the body the boiling water will burn them from the inside out within a matter of seconds.
Collaboration
Leviathan is a long thin sword; it has a golden hilt with glittering silver writing carved around the grip. Along the blade a small pattern of waves are seen close up, in the waves if you look even closer you can see the water god leviathan. The blade shines a light blue which most don't relies. As the sword is in action the waves if you watch them seem to move and so does the creature hidden amongst them. As the battle wages on the blade will turn into a deeper more solid blue, and at command it will be covered from hilt to tip in boiling water. The water rolls around the sword in a fluid motion making a figure of eight around the blade. It does not burn the owners hands but burn's anything else it touches. The water is dark glittering silver, and is easily seen in the dark. The sword is to be used with due care and attention as past users have used it for evil. The sword will give the holder increased resistance to heat and is also able to be submerged in a lake and still burn brightly. There is also a weak spot to the sword as there is for everything, unfortunately for the user of the blade the magic will shorten their life span and is also weak at the joint between the blade and the hilt if attacked with such a force at this point the blade will snap and become useless. It also takes quite a while to master the blade properly.
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The write up was sub par. The use of English Language detracted from the post. Given the item, this description should be more poetic and visual. This was choppy and unclear in its presentation.
May I also suggest you review the use of semi-colons and periods.
The item itself, after wading through this, had promise. Though it has video-gamish roots, it could be used in a campaign. A bit on the high end of the power scale without any limitation. That is a detracting factor.
I am not voting for this until you at least try and edit it.
Boiling WATER that turns things to ASH? Oook, then. Maybe if the boiling water simply cooked things from the inside out. How fast, btw? are we talking seconds or minutes or what? It wouldn't be very useful if the process happened in a matter of minutes, it would mean you have to stab someone and then leave your sword in there, and presume that your opponent doesn't remove it himself. However, if it were simply like a second or something, that would make for an interesting 'blown up' effect, and it would make this particular weapon quite deadly.
I'd definitely change the name to something more 'British', because the british will boil about damn near anything. ;) Maybe you could call the sword 'Nigel' or something, that's a prototypically 'British' name... ;)
Well, actually, a sword that turns people into a heap of ASS, as(s) written, might be fun.
The write-up needs serious reworking - my teacher in the second grade of elementary school taught me to divide a text into introduction, body and conclusion. Perhaps you could try this?
Other than that, a sword of boiling water might be interesting.
Some people are already half way to being heaps of Ass, so a sword that helps them along might be a neat idea. I'd like to see you do a revision of this post Callista. It has alot of promise.
I figured I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt when it came to a sword turning someone into either a heap of ASS or a heap of ASH. Now, a heaping helping of ass, that's ALWAYS a plus, but somehow I kind of figured that boiling some regular body parts wouldn't turn them into asses spontaneously, but then again, this is a magical world, so...
If that wasn't a typo, one would have to wonder who the creator of this item is? Is it Hefner the Eternal Boy of Play? Perhaps Sir Mixalot of the Scratched Platters, who knows...
C'mon folks, Callista had a good idea here. The joke has been told more than three times now... Not funny anymore.
Do a makeover Callista.
I noticed that your weapon has one plus.
You can make Raman Noodle Soup on the spot.
Just a message to the Barbarian Horde up above. The posts here are held to proper English standards for three reasons.
1) This is a world wide site, so the English needs to be standard English so people who have English as a second or third language can understand the post. (So sure the natives can understand it, but someone from Austria might have a problem.) We are not asking for nor expecting perfect English, but we are asking for you to strive towards that as a goal.
2) Our non native speakers are typing in standard English, why can't you or the person who posts? Note: Even the posts in different languages here tend to be proper or standard in their diction and idioms.
3) Unlike most sites which come and go within a year or three (when their owner loses their url or free hosting), this site endures. That means every post is a legacy to future gamers. That is why every posts needs to at least be of a quality of expression equal to that responsibility.
sorry people that was supposed to be ash must of done a typo woops, but i'm stuck really i have come to a dead end i know i have to change some of the thing's i have stated in this item, but i'm not quite sure what i can do to make it better.
Seeing how this has gone by the wayside and may have some promise, perhaps I'll take up the torch and redo it; ala The Bone Bow I did a few years back. Rehash this old sub. We will see.